Questions you should answer before saying i do

About to say "I do"? Our friends at YourTango
share the questions you should be able to answer
honestly before you make it to the altar.

You *must* have these internal conversations
before walking down the aisle.
Maybe you've been together a while and are
considering taking a big step, or perhaps you just

started seeing one another and aren't sure if you
should stay the course.
Whatever your situation, a check-in is never a
bad thing. Read on for 20 tough questions to ask
about your relationships before moving forward.

1. Is for better or worse making me better or
worse?
Does your partner encourage you to be your best
self, or does he or she get intimidated by any
triumphs and feel more secure when you're not
putting your best foot forward?

2. Do we really accept one another?
There will always be things you want to change
about the people in your life, but no one should
be in a situation where they feel they aren't
allowed to be authentic and accepted as the
unique, special (yet flawed) person they are.

3. Who am I?
How can you know if your partner is a good
match if you have no idea who you are?

4. Am I happy to be in this relationship?
The idea of sharing a life together is not to find
someone to complete you or make you happy.
But let's face it: being unhappy at home can seep
into other areas of your life . . . and fast. If you're
always fighting or just generally not feeling great
about your twosome, it doesn't mean you have to
bail out (counseling might be a good option) but
marrying someone in the hope that it changes
things is a bad, bad idea.

5. Am I feeling trapped?
Do you really want to be in this relationship the
majority of the time or do you find yourself
wishing for a way out? Do you stay because
you've invested time or are you really invested in
your mate?

6. What am I doing to hold us back?
Maybe you could be more attentive, more
thoughtful, quicker to let things go, or the first to
bring up going to counseling. Whatever it is, take
this as your sign to step up.

7. Is this relationship balanced?
Do you feel you're both on the same page in
terms of compromise, care, support and sacrifice?
Or is one of you doing most of the giving while
the other just sits with their hand out?

8. Can we have fun together?
Have you ever seen two people sit across from
one another in silence at brunch as though they
are being forced to walk through their day
together? Not. fun.

9. Can we have fun apart?
Co-dependency ain't cute, y'all.

10. Why am I in this relationship?
Is it because you respect, love, trust, and value
the person you are with? Or because you're afraid
of being alone, worried about finances, or have
built a life you're scared to leave?

11. Where is this going?
Living in the "now" is great, but eventually the
partnership will need a plan or someone will
begin to feel anxious.

12. Do I really trust my partner?
For some, the immediate response to this can be
devastating. If you're one of them, it's time to ask
why and how you can begin to build or rebuild
trust. Without it, there's no chance.

13. Am I with a good person?
Knowing what you know about your partner today,
would you vouch for them if they were a friend?

14. Am I attracted to my partner?
Physical attraction is hardly the most important
component in a relationship, but forcing yourself
to be in a relationship with someone who you're
not attracted to — just because it's comfortable or
"perfect on paper" isn't fair to anyone. You will
feel resentful and they will feel rejected.

15. Am I a parent or a partner?
Taking care of someone you love is a great thing
to do, but when you feel like you're raising a
boyfriend — or worse, a husband — things get a
little complicated. You'll resent his childish ways.
Who wants to sleep with their mom?

16. Does my partner have my back?
Do you feel like you're a part of a loyal team who
stands up for one another, supports one another,
and shows a united front (even when the other is
not around)? Or, do you feel like you're constantly
being thrown under the bus by your mate?

17. Are we looking in the same direction?
Some couples avoid having the big talks (religion,
marriage, babies) because they think that,
somehow, these things will just "work themselves
out." By the time they realize they won't, they're
in a complicated, painful situation that leaves one
(or both) feeling a little bit duped.

18. Are we growing together?
Being a human being living on this earth, we all
have a right to grow and develop, and create a
full life for ourselves. Are you and your partner
still indulging in your passions (individual and
shared) and growing as individuals?

19. Am I still me?
Being in love with someone should not require
changing our identity to fit someone else's idea of
who we should be, on any level.

20. What is my gut telling me?
You have intuition for a reason. Listen to
yourself.